My mind wont shut up
My heart is pleading with it
but the thoughts just keep rolling out
Someone just pushed the fast forward button
on my life
and now the pace of my days
matches the breakneck
of my brain activity
What if I don’t have enough time
it says
I have so much to get done in such a short amount of time
and here you are….writing a poem, dumb ass!
it shouts
What if I make the wrong decision
it whispers
What if I cant go
I already know I cant go
What if she is disappointed in me
What if she needs me
and I am letting her down
What if I cant be there to hold her
What if I cannot bare not being there to hold her
What if I am too much to handle
What if I am too insecure
What if I am too confident
What if I am not interesting
What if I am trying too hard
What if I am annoying
What if I fail
What if I don’t have enough money
What if my truck breaks down
What if the river floods any more and all my stuff floats
away
What if I am being ungrateful
What if it is too late
What if they are disappointed in me
What if they don’t understand me
They don’t understand me
I have spent the last 6 months alone
No one knows
I have no witnesses here
Only me
What about me?
They dont ask that question
Its not theirs to ask
Instead
they ask
What are you going to do
What about your future
Where are you going to go
What about a place to stay
What about your career
What about your finances
What about all that you have worked for
What about your reputation
What happens if you don’t have enough time
What happens if you don’t have enough money
What if I make the wrong decisions
What if I am too much to handle
What if I am too insecure
What if I am too confident
What if I am not interesting
What if I am trying too hard
What if I am annoying
What if I fail
What if I don’t have enough money
What if my truck breaks down
What if the river floods any more and all my stuff floats
away
What if I am being ungrateful
What if it is too late
What if they are disappointed in me
What if they don’t understand me
What if I cant be with the one who understands me
What about my future
What about a place to stay
What about my career
What about my finances
What if I don’t have enough money
What about all that I have worked for
What about my reputation
Stop
Fuck my reputation
What about me?
I have spent the last 6 months alone
No one knows
I have no witnesses here
Only me
They don’t ask that question
Its not theirs to ask
It is mine
I have so much to get done in such a short amount of time
and here I am….writing a poem
Because I hurt
and it is the only way I know to soothe myself
The only question left to ask is…
what about me
The only person that needs to ask it…
is me