Brand New

She always feels brand new

A puzzle I want to solve 

everyday 

again 

and again

I want to get it right

crack the code

find the combination

But then 

every night

I want her to change it

because 

every day

I want to do it all over 

again

I show her my insecurities 

my eccentricities 

the holes in my heart

One by one

layer after layer

deeper than I have ever been 

brave enough to go

And somehow 

she still sees the good

and I know that I am good

But through the details

of conversations

interpretations

mutual navigation 

the smallest interactions

she helps me see

exactly how

I can be

great 

And still I want

I will always want her

It is the 

second 

most powerful force

that I have ever felt 

in my short life 

thus far 

It pushes up inside me

out through every limb

Every fingertip

Every goosebump

Every breath

A feeling that I love

almost more than anything

It is the creative force

It is what drives me

However 

it is an experience 

that is not to be driven

Experience

is not driven 

it is ridden 

You must let the present 

take the wheel

Sit in the passenger seat

beside it

Stand in it

Lay entwined with it

For driving is dangerous

It is a task 

a job 

an accomplishment

If I am too focused 

on the road ahead

like a good driver should be

then I speed past 

what brought me to this space 

in the first place

The way time slowed down

almost stood still

when I looked into her eyes

The way I could feel the air 

all around me 

when I sat next to her

The way my ears warmed 

from the sweet vibrations 

of her voice

The way my mind 

was finally soft 

with my heart 

The involuntary reaction 

to be tender with her 

was so strong 

that it overtook 

me

Uncontrollably 

That strongest gentle

it is the 

first 

most powerful force

I have ever felt

and it always remains

underneath all the rest

It makes me slow down

exactly as I need to

Fast is the part of me 

that I don't want to be

anymore

I want to bask in my slow motion

A movement I am reminded of

every time I swim

in her deep ocean

With every crashing wave

that washes over me

so completely 

she makes me feel

like I am 

brand new