Thursday, January 22, 2015

Feed

I think
I glimpsed
the flickering sparks
of long stored reserves
of undiscovered rocket fuel
I can feel an ember burning
glowing brighter
everytime I feed it oxygen
Lovely smoke is rising
blinking as I walk through it
wafting
slowly
curling
around me
for me
from me
I am smoldering
in incubation
with desire
building
a little bigger
a little fuller
a little hotter
a little deeper
each day
Starting at the core of me
the red center
is spreading quietly
Sparks fly on occasion
moments of understanding
that whistle through me
bursting in brief firework displays
keep me blowing
on the bed of hot coals forming
I back away when the heat singes my face
However, it won't be long
A thick, seared and calloused skin is forming
not protecting me from
but merging me with
the flames that are soon to be born
Licking my face
Nipping at my lips
Soon to howl through me
like the worship of a full moon in the new spring
My forest will rage
fierce and fast
with illuminating light
the past lives of old growth
will create fertile ash
with which to nourish and grow renewed
Until then
in the winter of my soul
I shall crouch around the circle of stones
watch the shooting stars that rocket across the sky with anticipation
listen to the animals that emerge from my midnight
and sing beautiful
breath filled
stirring
soul full songs
to this accumulating collection of pulsing embers
soon 

to be
a reawakened

inferno

Jan. 2015

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Desire

There is a cry
that comes from the exquisite pain of unfulfilled desire
The intoxicating scent of your beloved
enters your lungs
breathes straight to the core of you
The ecstasy of want breaking open your heart
filling your mynd
charging your body
inhabiting your soul
A sharp, deep inhale turns to a long, trembling exhale
slowly inching up your neck in imagined kisses
and catches in your throat
In the battle for control
your head tilts back
your mouth opens
and the requite of your beloveds heart
combined with the unrequite of your beloveds body
slips out the outside corners of your eyes
the way silk panties slide quickly down smooth legs 
You feel the trickle undulate sensuously, down the sides of your face, into your ears
drowning out all the noise
but it doesn't matter
for you are trapped on the inside anyway
dancing with your imagination
For, in this moment
the real and present and actual moment
there are no gentle fingertips
No warmth from the nearness
No breath to blanket you with goosebumps
No lips softly locked, holding each others secret combination
No inhales or exhales exchanged in between
No chests pressed together to synchronize heartbeats
No blush on your skin from hands that grip you
No marks on your shoulders from pleading fingernails
No whispers in your ear to seduce or soothe you
And it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and it aches
and if it aches long enough
it begins to eat you from the inside out
until the pain is so great
that you cannot stand it anymore
and you begin to whisper to yourself
...because you need that someone to
and you begin to soothe yourself
...because you need that someone to
and you begin to love yourself
...because you need that someone to
and that is how you begin 
to learn
to someday
when the moment is right
let someone
love you in return.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Sunday, November 30, 2014

High Beams

When I drive in the city at night
I never have to use the high beams.
There are lights all around, 
really don't even need headlights,
can barely see my own anyway. 
Recognition comes from 
the reflections of luminescence 
that lie ahead of me.
There is no need for disconcertion,
for the light surrounds.
It is warm, 
dazzling,
safe.
Everything can be seen,
the paths to be chosen are illuminated.
When outside the city limits,
way, way, way past the orange glow,
400 miles from the enveloping comfort that I ache for,
down a long, long stretch of uninhabited road,
cutting through towers of old growth forest and ancient glacial rock,
on a moonless, starless night,
darkness ... swallows me up.
The fog that floats in the air 
wraps itself around me,
sealing in the sound of silence.
Insignificance and invisibleness, 
palpable.
The mark I leave on this world 
all but erased.
No one to see the trails that follow the contours of my face
but I. 
No ears to hear 
the desperate 
fear filled 
gasps in my throat 
but mine.
In the midst of shadows,
the thickness of black,
The Dark Night of the Soul,
I am searching for my light,
trying to find the high beams. 
It is the only thing I have left,
if only a few feet at a time,
that will show me the path to follow.
11 - 29 - 2014

Wednesday, November 12, 2014